Sunday, November 20, 2005

How Badly Do You Want The Lord

My church, Full Gospel Assembly, ran a 40-day programme between mid-June to end-July. The programme was titled "Purpose Driven Life", and it is heavily based on the book written by Rick Warren. I thought it was an excellent programme for Christians to rediscover the exhiliration of walking with God. Personally, I finished the book even before the programme started.

As I read thru the book, a word from one chapter did catch my attention strongly enough leave quite a lingering impression upon me for quite some time : dryness. Prior to programme, I was riding on a "spiritual" high where God has abundantly blessed me with an fantastic pay rise and a excellent new project assignment within based in KL that came along with the opportunity to travel to London quite a fair bit. I get to see the breakthrough in spiritiual progress of my family. Also, I was comforted so lovingly in His arms when I was heartbroken and that was good enough for me.

About a quarter way through the programme, I started to feel a little dry. Expounding on that, I could describe as a "rojak" feelings of confusion, fear, inadequecy and futility. I felt confused because I struggle to hear God's voice and the silence was was deafening. I felt fear because I thought I must have grieved the Holy Spirit, and can't imagine walking through life without God. I felt inadequate because I no longer feel God as strongly (or so I thought). I felt futile because that all the abundant blessings suddenly meant little to me.

Prayer became quite a chore, because it evolved to be a one way communication : me rambling on, and God's chilling silence. Interestingly in the same frame of time, temptations seemed to be stronger than usual. And I started to worry a lot, particularly about work. Will I deliver the desired results? Where should I go after the project? What if the project fails?

Somehow, there was still a small faction of me that holds deep conviction that the Lord will never forsake me. The lesser I felt, the harder I prayed. Reading through a Gideon bible in a hotel in Singapore on the night of 26-Jul, God impressed upon me the following verses, in the exact order :

5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
James 1:5-6

5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

23:1 (A Psalm of David.) The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
Psalm 23

10 Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isaiah 41:10

5 [Let your] conversation [be] without covetousness; [and be] content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord [is] my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.
Hebrews 13:5-6

15:1 (A Psalm of David.) LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? 2 He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. 3 [He that] backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour. 4 In whose eyes a vile person is contemned; but he honoureth them that fear the LORD. [He that] sweareth to [his own] hurt, and changeth not.
5 [He that] putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these [things] shall never be moved.
Psalm 15

3:1 My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: 2 For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. 3 Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: 4 So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. 8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. 9 Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: 10 So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine. 11 My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: 12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son [in whom] he delighteth.
Proverbs 3:1-12

With a lot of answers pouring in, Matthew 7:7 became very real to me. The beckoning of the Holy Spirit is very sensable. It was a breakthrough experience, and I can ascertain that my walk with Christ today has mature tremendously compared to just 6 months ago. In hindsight, I conclude that it came down to a very fundamental question between you and God : How badly do you want Him? For me, badly enough to repeatly keep on asking, seeking and knocking.

posted by Mel-Vern @ 7:51 AM 0 comments

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Void Only God Can Fill

I've received some feedbacks about my past 2 writings, so I thought this week I approach it in a different manner by sharing my experience. Throughout last week, the theme which constantly resonates in my head was about "The Void". In the book Purpose driven Life written by Rick Warren, he has rightly structured his book to begin with the purpose to worship. In my own words, I would say that worship is a complete surrender of the totality of my life to God, being fully immersed with His Grace and aboundingly thankful for His Salvation. It is a feeling which I would describe as a fierce outpouring sensation from within, a warmth in my heart and a pleasant numbing of my mind.

God has created us with a pocket of void in our lives designed only to only fit Him. In recent weeks, I concluded by experience that no amount of any other pursuits of this world, material or immaterial, even for the cause of good, can ever fulfill that pocket of void except God. The Lord has been a good teacher and although I am not always a fan on how some of the lessons are delivered, He does get the point across well enough :

Through growing with the Lord and much prayer, I have seen His gracious hands at work in my life bringing me from the land of not-enough, to the land of just-enough, and to the land of more-than-enough. Although I am still no Donald Trump today, the setting was right for Him to make the lesson clear. When everything seems to be going all too well for me, He disappears! (For those in FGA, interestingly it co-incided with the PDL programme). The novelty faded away all too rapidly, and I was left feeling so void, lonely, aggitated and even a little depressed. That was intentional by God, giving me a full-blown real-life preview of Solomon's book of Ecclesiates.

There are also areas where I don't to have much joy handling it. I do struggle with feelings of anger, bitterness, sorrow and even revengeful vendetas. There were endless prayer hours petitioning for God's answer. When it was about to be seemingly answered, it was snatched violently away from me. I make no reservations saying that I had a hard time getting hold of God's comfort, even though I know He does that in 2Cor 1:4. Nevertheless, there were also a few items which God has impressed upon me to do which demands obedience. By faith, I started to heed His callings, and what follows can be described as the most abounding joy I have ever experienced. I don't pretend that I no longer struggle, because I still do. The difference now is that as I grow more abidingly in Him, His Spirit abides in me more, I am fulfilled no matter how inadequate I am. Simply fantastic.

Out of the 2 very contrasting experience, no matter how well or how bad the situation may be, there will definitely be voids in our lives because we as humans are hardwired by God into our DNA to seek Him. Hence, the void can only be filled by Him. Without Him, we will continue to loop around infinitely, which can render our life unstable.

I leave you with 2 points to ponder :
· Principally, love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind. Hence, if we proclaim that, no matter what the situation, better or lesser, we should first seek His Kingdom and all His Righteousness (Matt 6:33). I am not even attempting to finish the verse, cause we are all too often enticed by it, thus losing sight of God.
· Practically, do a spiritual health check and gauge how you stand before God. Start by surrendering your all to God and live out in obedience to His Word. Tip of the day - Be grounded in the bible. Bonus tip - Start serving.

posted by Mel-Vern @ 7:50 AM 0 comments