How Badly Do You Want The Lord
My church, Full Gospel Assembly, ran a 40-day programme between mid-June to end-July. The programme was titled "Purpose Driven Life", and it is heavily based on the book written by Rick Warren. I thought it was an excellent programme for Christians to rediscover the exhiliration of walking with God. Personally, I finished the book even before the programme started.As I read thru the book, a word from one chapter did catch my attention strongly enough leave quite a lingering impression upon me for quite some time : dryness. Prior to programme, I was riding on a "spiritual" high where God has abundantly blessed me with an fantastic pay rise and a excellent new project assignment within based in KL that came along with the opportunity to travel to London quite a fair bit. I get to see the breakthrough in spiritiual progress of my family. Also, I was comforted so lovingly in His arms when I was heartbroken and that was good enough for me.
About a quarter way through the programme, I started to feel a little dry. Expounding on that, I could describe as a "rojak" feelings of confusion, fear, inadequecy and futility. I felt confused because I struggle to hear God's voice and the silence was was deafening. I felt fear because I thought I must have grieved the Holy Spirit, and can't imagine walking through life without God. I felt inadequate because I no longer feel God as strongly (or so I thought). I felt futile because that all the abundant blessings suddenly meant little to me.
Prayer became quite a chore, because it evolved to be a one way communication : me rambling on, and God's chilling silence. Interestingly in the same frame of time, temptations seemed to be stronger than usual. And I started to worry a lot, particularly about work. Will I deliver the desired results? Where should I go after the project? What if the project fails?
Somehow, there was still a small faction of me that holds deep conviction that the Lord will never forsake me. The lesser I felt, the harder I prayed. Reading through a Gideon bible in a hotel in Singapore on the night of 26-Jul, God impressed upon me the following verses, in the exact order :
5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
James 1:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
23:1 (A Psalm of David.) The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
Psalm 23
10 Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isaiah 41:10
5 [Let your] conversation [be] without covetousness; [and be] content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord [is] my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.
Hebrews 13:5-6
15:1 (A Psalm of David.) LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? 2 He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. 3 [He that] backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour. 4 In whose eyes a vile person is contemned; but he honoureth them that fear the LORD. [He that] sweareth to [his own] hurt, and changeth not.
5 [He that] putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these [things] shall never be moved.
Psalm 15
3:1 My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: 2 For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. 3 Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: 4 So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. 8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. 9 Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: 10 So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine. 11 My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: 12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son [in whom] he delighteth.
Proverbs 3:1-12
With a lot of answers pouring in, Matthew 7:7 became very real to me. The beckoning of the Holy Spirit is very sensable. It was a breakthrough experience, and I can ascertain that my walk with Christ today has mature tremendously compared to just 6 months ago. In hindsight, I conclude that it came down to a very fundamental question between you and God : How badly do you want Him? For me, badly enough to repeatly keep on asking, seeking and knocking.
posted by Mel-Vern @ 7:51 AM
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