Before My Lord
As my bended knees touch the floor, elbows rested on the bed and hands clasped together, my journey begins with "Oh Lord, my God!". There I was, a mere speck of existence in His vast universe, feeling utterly small about myself. Yet, being the selfish man that I am, always quick to put forth complains and petitions, sometimes slow to praise Him, sometimes forgetting to confess sins and trespasses. There is too much within me to say to Him, too little words to describe them, too pre-occupied with my own carnal reasonings while conversing with Him. I am entrapped by a contrasting struggle of saying-it-all against being totally being still before Him and praising His Name. Often, I feel like a praying schizophrenia.
Then, I just smack against this invisible wall of grace, a point where I am beyond reasoning, completely lost for words and numbed towards the environment around me. Beyond words that can describe, my spirit groans and my lips break out into foreign tongues. As that happens, I feel an awesome sense of connection between myself and God. The cogs engage, spinning and properly oiled. Every cell within my body, every fibre of nerve, every sensation within my gut and every uncried tear screams for the glory of God. There I was, a mere speck of existence, engulfed by His radiant love.
I often wondered, how and why does God ever put up with all this nonsense from me. I asked for an audible voice, He's silent. I asked for dreams and visions, He gives me excellent blank black sleeps. I asked for signs and wonders, nothing happens. For all those unanswered prayers, what do I do with them? Lethargy wears me down to keep praying them. Or should I still keep praying for them? I never had the privelage of being granted the foresight. But in hindsight, I can see His remarkable works in my life. I can only pray that His will be done while I cast myself into the unknowns of this world day after day. After all that is being said and done, I finally come to a realization that I just want to draw ever closer to Him time after time.
posted by Mel-Vern @ 9:52 PM
1 Comments:
Well written article.
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